What if you are not feeling grateful this Thanksgiving? What if you dread the upcoming time with family? What if you really want to spend Thanksgiving curled up in your bedroom hiding under your blankets?
The media, and society at large, has branded Thanksgiving as this wonderful holiday filled with abundance and love. There is supposed to be food overflowing platters and a happy family sharing gratitude around a dining table. There is supposed to be closeness and love. There are supposed to be quirky family traditions like running in a “Turkey Trot” or a family football game.
The thing is, for many people, family is incredibly complicated. The Thanksgiving season, more so than ever before, is stressful for many families. The recent elections have left many families with deep divides and lots of hurt feelings. On either side of the political spectrum there are likely a lot of strong opinions and we aren’t in a place where we are ready to let go of our feelings and hug it out. This election season brought forward a lot of opinions that are hurtful to many people.
For far too many people, family is not a safe place. They may have toxic relationships with family members or have been abused or neglected by family. Often there are secrets that people are holding that make time with family painful.
The economy has also negatively impacted many people this year leading to significant stress. When you are unsure if you can meet your basic needs consistently it is hard to feel #blessed. You may be facing difficult end of the year deadlines at your workplace with less staff than ever before.
Depression and anxiety are often at higher levels during this time of year. The days are shorter and we have less of an opportunity to be out in nature. When we are feeling pulled in a lot of directions it takes a toll on our bodies and minds. Less sleep and more celebrating with a cocktail can leave us feeling exhausted. We may be trying to pretend (i.e. mask) our mental health struggles because we don’t want to “ruin” the holidays for others. This covering makes the depression and anxiety even worse and complicates those feelings by adding a healthy dose of shame to the mix.
This Thanksgiving give yourself permission to choose yourself and your mental health. It may be too much to be with family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If you have to go to family events/travel, plan time for yourself into your schedule. For example, if you are traveling with family, take a quiet walk for a coffee every morning or take an extra long drive when you go to run an errand. Give yourself time after you are with family to be alone and recuperate in whatever way works best for you. Also, if you know that the holiday “celebrations” will involve a lot of sitting around listening to family talk, consider bringing an activity to provide yourself a light distraction (ie a coloring book, word find, embroidery, knitting, etc).
Set boundaries with family and others around when you can be places and around what you are willing to discuss. If you know conversations can quickly devolve into topics that you don’t want to discuss, consider introducing an alternative like a board or trivia game, conversation starters/prompts (these often come in card decks), or a puzzle to the day. These activities may help neutralize the topics discussed.
Bring a non-alcoholic beverage to the event. Make a yummy mocktail that can be served. Alcohol can be an accelerant on our feelings as well as reduce our filter. Minimizing how much alcohol is consumed may help everyone have a more peaceful holiday.
Finally, acknowledge whatever feelings you are having are valid. You are not your feelings. Your feelings are not bad or good. They just are. By removing the judgment of our feelings we reduce the impact they have on our lives. You can imagine your feelings are on a cloud and that they are simply drifting through your mind and will be replaced with a new feeling soon.
