When someone we care about is dealing with a difficult situation we want to make them, and ourselves, feel better by doing something. Many of us have been socialized to say we are fine and don’t need anything when help is offered. The reality is that often we actually do need help and more often than not we actually want to help.
The challenge for both the giver and receiver is that generic offers are hard to complete. When we are dealing with difficult situations such as a death, illness/surgery, family emergency, or busy season of life it can be hard to even think clearly. It often feels easier to say you don’t need anything than to actually identify what you need. Instead of making a generic offer, identify a specific thing you are able and willing to do and offer that. If the thing you offer isn’t needed at that time it’s OK. You can offer to do something else or just let the person know you are available if needed. If you are the person who could use some help start a list of things you need done and when someone asks what they can do you can ask them to do something you have on the list. For example, you may need something (or someone) picked up or an errand run (recently I dropped off Amazon returns for a friend).
In order to stimulate your thinking on ways you can help another person below is a list of ideas.
- Feed Them: Even when life is rough we need to eat. Although a casserole or soup may be deeply appreciated you might consider some other options. Many people have special diets or preferences. If you don’t know these, offer to send them a meal from a favorite restaurant or send them a gift card for Door Dash. If you want to bring them food, consider breakfast foods (french toast casserole and fresh fruit is my favorite meal to deliver to a friend) or snacks (i.e. fresh cut veggies, charcuterie, cheese, etc).
- Deliver groceries or paper products: Paper towels, toilet paper, paper plates, cleaning products, and ziploc bags are things they will likely need a lot of if they are experiencing extra company. When my sister’s father in law passed away I had a grocery service deliver items for sandwiches, chips, paper plates, cookies, and bottled water to her home. It was an affordable way to give some help.
- Offer a ride: If someone is dealing with a longer medical condition there may be regular medical appointments and it may really help them or their caregivers if you can cover a ride or two. Another option is to pick up/drop off their kids (especially if you have kids at the same school).
- Sit with them at an appointment: Sometimes we have lots of time sitting and waiting for results or treatment. Having a friend to help pass the time or just be near can be invaluable.
- After a death, offer to address thank you notes: There are certain times in life where the old school thank you note is still expected. Death is often one of those. If you can help address the envelopes for someone it makes the whole process much quicker.
- Clean or send a cleaner: No matter what life is throwing at you dishes still have to be done and things have to be vacuumed. Although not everyone wants someone cleaning or messing around with their home many people will welcome an offer to do the dirty work of cleaning.
- Send Something: Personally, I love flowers still, but there are endless options for things to send someone. After a surgery a friend sent me a box of soft pretzels with different toppings. They were delicious and a special surprise.
- Entertain a child: Whether you play with their children at their home or take them to do something, the peace and quiet will be greatly appreciated.
- Shovel Snow/Mow the Yard: This is an especially kind way to help a neighbor that you know has a lot going on.
- Send a personal note or a card
- Help with a Pet: If they are struggling they may appreciate having someone else taking their dog for a walk.
- Deliver a warm drink: You can drop by their favorite warm beverage at their front door (no contact needed) or where they are waiting at the hospital. If they have been stuck with waiting room coffee, your delivery may give them the energy they need to make it a bit longer.
