February tends to bring up a lot of thoughts about love and our relationships. It can feel like we are navigating the messy terrain of relationships without a map. We may read some books recommended by a friend, listen to a podcast, or take some online quiz to find out our love language or other fact about how our relationship is functioning. The problem is that most of the information we find is similar to advice we might get from a friend or family member. Unfortunately, this kind of information/advice is based off of one person’s experience and may not translate to your relationship.
The Gottman Institute is a game changer in understanding how to make our relationships successful. Drs John and Julie Gottman have been conducting research on relationships for more than 50 years. The research has led to the development of the Gottman Method. The Gottman Method includes specific, tangible things we can do to have a successful relationship. They have several books, online resources, an app (Gottman Card Decks), trainings for therapists in their method, and classes that teach their skills.
One of my favorite skills for building a successful marriage is Rituals of Connection. Rituals of Connection are intentional activities you do with your partner to build your emotional connection. Some examples of Rituals of Connection are pizza and movie nights on Friday, having coffee together in the morning, taking walks together, watching the sunset, regularly planned date nights, game nights,etc. These interactions may seem simple, but it is easy to get busy and go significant periods of time without any meaningful interactions. Being planful and consistent with the time we spend with our partner is crucial to our long term success and happiness as a couple. What Rituals of Connection do you engage in with your partner? Are there opportunities for connecting that you can incorporate into your life?
If you would like to strengthen your relationship there are a couple of things you can do. First, we are hosting a “Seven Principles for a Healthy Marriage” on Mar 22, 2025 from 9 a.m.-5 pm. In one day you will learn tools you can use to strengthen your relationship. You will have opportunities to practice the skills you learn with your partner without an expectation to get mushy with the rest of the group participants. Click here for more information and to register for the group. If you would like help to improve your relationship we also offer couples therapy. Several of our therapists are trained in the Gottman Method and are happy to help you and your partner work on your relationship. For more information or to schedule an appointment please fill out this contact form or call 573-355-8844.
